In the Quiet Zone

I have found much success by meditating lately. It seems to help me clear my head and change dangerous systems of thought that could potentially cause further depression within me or ruin my relationship (or both). I find that I have been able to forgive myself for SOME of my idiosyncracies (while I'm still working on the more difficult ones), and at the same time forgive another person whose poor choices had caused me much sorrow throughout most of my life. It was in the realization that I CHOSE that sorrow for myself, rather than releasing it. I had harbored such anger and shame (mixed with all kinds of other undesireable emotions) for so long that only caused me misery, and it is now such a nice feeling to think of that person and remember good times and special moments rather than dwell on things that happened because of this person's own sorrow. I may never get a chance to speak with this person again, but at least I can say that I feel only love and compassion now.

I rather relish those moments when I can sneak in that quiet time to reflect or meditate. There is such peace at these times and I am wishing that I can get to that place where the rough days would be smoother as I implement the practices I'm learning through them. Dealing with stress, my past, regrets and relationship issues all at once seems overwhelming sometimes, but the only way to overcome all those evils is to face them and conquer them. I understand that most of my "issues" come from my low self-esteem, and that low self-esteem came from things that happened in my past, things that compiled one upon the other until I became the blubbering mess that led to my search for peace. Finding the solution is often like untangling a mess of knotted threads. One by one, I am able to follow a thread through to its other end and pull it free from the rest. The more threads I free, the easier, I find, I can free the others.

Therefore, I will continue to run (not walk) to my quiet zone, where I can think more logically, less emotionally, and encounter peace upon blessed peace, where, in the end, I will find myself.