Just Reminding Myself

Happiness,

Peace,

Joy,

Love,

Trust

Are found in the present moment.

I often have to remember that the only way that I can keep the yucky undesireables from taking over my mind is to experience each moment one at a time. When I try to worry about what has happened "to me", what has not come to pass for me, or what I should or shouldn't have done or said in any given situation, I fail to benefit from the blessing of the moment, that of being, right here and right now, alive and still capable of hope.

I have come a long way in the last few days from thinking the world was going to fall around me and I would be, once more, abondoned, or rejected, or taken advantage of, to the beginning stages of believing that all will be well. I often fear the worst in any situation, worrying incessantly that my wonderful husband has/is/will leave me for another woman, and my jealousy had become so out of hand that I was seriously on the track to completely throwing away a beautiful thing. I don't know exactly when it all started, but it crept up on me one day a few months back, and leaped like a raging tiger, clenching its awful jaws around my heart and not letting go. For the last few weeks, I've been diligently researching the subject of marital jealousy and working on myself, reading much, listening much, meditating much. One thing I've learned about it all is that low self-esteem has everything to do with it. I have good days and bad days, but lately, I've been seeing some sunshine peek out from behind the clouds, and I really feel that, besides being still teachable, I'm seeing a bit of progress. There's still a long way to go, and in the meantime, I also must keep myself from pushing too hard on my husband, as the direction a jealous person pushes, is generally out the door.

There is so much in my life that I have to let go of in order to accomplish this great task of trust; things done to me, things I've done, things I regret not doing, etc. However, as stated above, the moment is all that matters...not what's gone before or what we fear may happen in the future. Only right now.